Am I Really Helping Someone to Sin?

I had my codependent socks blown off one day when I realized that all my codependent efforts were helping people to keep on sinning….WHAT?

But I was helping them! I was easing their pain! I wasn’t helping them to rob banks or print counterfeit money! I wasn’t telling them to go out and have an affair! I wasn’t telling them that smoking lawn-clippings was OK!

Was I really helping them to sin? Then I had to face that I was sinning as well.  My attitudes and pride had led me down a road of self-deception…WHAT? 

But I am a nice person!  Yeah, I battle with pride and think the Holy Spirit should follow my lead, but hey, I am not as sinful as those I help!   

Am I Really Doing THAT? 

Let’s break this down. How did I sin in helping others?

Lying is a sin—we would all agree on this.  I lied or embellished about the people I was helping to others.  I was ashamed that those I helped were not improving.  They were actually going deeper into sin and deception.  I didn’t want others to think ill of me or the people I was rescuing.  Or have that “I told you so!” moment at my expense.    

Blaming other people for our failures is based on pride.  Pride is not a Christian virtue.  I would blame other people for not supporting the person I was helping as I did.  My pride said I was right, what I was doing was right, and other people need to get on board and help me.  I would seethe with resentment at others, especially at church.  I hid the anger behind a smile.

I resented the freedom other believers had, because they were not available 24/7 to help broken people.  I saw other believers as less spiritual, less like Jesus.  I judged them and condemned them.  Yet I smiled at them.  I was a hypocrite.  We all know how Jesus felt about hypocrisy.  

I took on people’s failures as my own, as if I could change their will and make them want to get better.  I thought I could do what I judged the Holy Spirit was not doing.  My pride was at stake.  I then plunged deeper into helping them.  Where was Jesus in all of this?  Good question.  But I never waited for the answer. 

I made helping others an idol.  I loved how I was so helpful and available to broken people.  I got a kind of high from it.  I also equated church with God and made it an idol.  So, if someone in church asked me to do something or needed me in some way, it must be God’s will.  My love for God was tangled up with helping out. I lost sight of how we are to love God alone. Helping others is not a substitute for loving God or serving Him.    

How Am I Helping Others to Sin?

 This is a painful but essential question I had to ask myself.  If I help other people to:

·         Lie about their lives, not face reality and join them in their deceived world;  

·         Pretend that all is well, even though it is I who was trying to lessen the consequences;

·         Manipulate me into doing things for them—using guilt, my love for God, or allowing them to emotionally abuse me into compliance;

·         Rage at me or others;

·         Gossip and condemn others;

·         Dismiss my life and its struggles because they want all the attention;  

·         Express their feelings and opinions but are not receptive to mine;

·         Engage in sin and I then make excuses for that behavior;

·         Engage in sin and then allow them to blame me for their behavior;

·         Stay focused on themselves and never bring up Jesus or the Word;

·         Use others—including me--to get their endless list of needs met;

·         Monopolize my time and effort without expecting them to reciprocate;

·         Use me as a stand-in for God…

…How am I honoring God and the “new and living way” He brings us in Jesus? 

How am I pointing them to the Savior who died to take away our sin, not making it easier to sin?

Ponder this:

Therefore, brethren, since we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is, His flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a [a]sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near. (Heb. 10:19-25 NASB)

Boom!  My enabling is wrong if it helps me to sin or helps others to sin. 

My enabling is wrong if we both sin trying to create a better life without being fully committed to Jesus.

My enabling is wrong if it puts me in between that person and God. 

Period.  

A lady at a woman’s event put it so well when I asked her if she is helping her estranged son.  Her response:  “Why would I get in between God and my son?”

A few years ago, I would have run outside, looking for a few stones and then pelted her in the parking lot for being so insensitive.  

My response now?  I said inside, “Amen, sister.  Amen.”

Is there hope for me?

You betcha.

For you?

Yes.

Why? Jesus is your Hope.

Jesus is my Hope.

Press on, dear friend.   My life verse is a perfect way to help us know we are not alone and we have hope!     

My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Gal. 2:20 NLT)