Stern Words for Those Who Sin

In our previous verses in the Book of Numbers, we hear Joshua warning the people not to rebel against God.  In the verses from Hebrew, we learn that a “hardening of the heart” is a very serious matter and that obedience to God is essential if we call ourselves Christians. 

Let’s summarize Joshua’s argument to the people: 

·         The land is good

·         If God is pleased with us, He will lead us into it and it will be ours

·         Don’t rebel against the Lord

·         Don’t fear the people living in the land

·         We will conquer them

·         The Lord is with us, not them

·         Have no fear

After all God did for them, in one of the most powerful countries on earth—Egypt—they should view entering the Promised Land as a walk in the park.  But no.  They want to stone Joshua and Company.

That’s what fearful, desperate, sinful people do:  they excuse themselves, accuse others and demand some sort of quick fix to their problems. 

If Joshua had any co-dependent leanings, he would have kicked into high gear and sought to downplay what he said (even though it is all truth) and then create his own fix to help them.  But he didn’t.  He stood his ground, along with the other leaders.  But the people, instead of repenting, hardened their hearts even further and resolve to kill the leaders by stoning them. That’s when God shows up.  The people grumbling progressing to threatening murder has brought Him to the Tent of Meeting and a face to face with Moses.  The people have stepped over the line and God is angry:

Then the glory of the Lord appeared at the tent of meeting to all the Israelites. The Lord said to Moses, “How long will these people treat me with contempt? How long will they refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the signs I have performed among them? I will strike them down with a plague and destroy them, but I will make you into a nation greater and stronger than they.” (Numbers 14:10-12)

I picture Moses, Aaron, Caleb and Joshua all standing together, facing what is quickly becoming a mob with a mob mentality.  Moses sees God’s glory descending upon where Moses directly meets with God and he rushes over there, to hear God’s words.  Moses is now doubly appalled: He hears God’s anguished and angry words regarding the treason spoken by the people, and how He will select Moses to be the new ancestor of the Jewish people.  The descendants of the original patriarchs—Abraham, Issac and Jacob and the covenant God made with them—will be wiped from the face of the earth.  But Moses knows that the covenant God made is irrevocable, and so he gently reminds God of His reputation:

Moses said to the Lord, ‘Then the Egyptians will hear about it! By your power you brought these people up from among them. And they will tell the inhabitants of this land about it. They have already heard that you, Lord, are with these people and that you, Lord, have been seen face to face, that your cloud stays over them, and that you go before them in a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. If you put all these people to death, leaving none alive, the nations who have heard this report about you will say, “The Lord was not able to bring these people into the land he promised them on oath, so he slaughtered them in the wilderness.”

Now may the Lord’s strength be displayed, just as you have declared: "The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.’ In accordance with your great love, forgive the sin of these people, just as you have pardoned them from the time they left Egypt until now." (Numbers 14:13-19)

God hasn’t forgot His covenant with the fathers of the Jewish nation.  He wants to see if Moses really understands Who God is.  God’s reputation as a mighty Wonder is heard throughout the surrounding lands; Moses wants God to know that He is respected and feared by others, even if His own children fail Him.  Moses praises God’s fairness, and asks Him to forgive even a rebellious, ungrateful people.  Moses has truly learned Who God is, even if those he leads have hardened hearts and think only of themselves.

How often do we forget God's goodness in our lives and succumb to the thinking of others?  We listen to others' complaint and start to find ourselves thinking:

·         My life sucks

·         God is unpredictable

·         God has abandoned me

·         I have to do everything for myself

·         No one loves me

·         God doesn’t love me

·         You are the only one who understands me

·         My life is so hard

·         It’s not my fault; it’s these people’s fault: ___________________

·         God is testing me

·         I am the victim here, so don’t talk about sin to me!

·         I don’t have a hardened heart; I have the right to be angry, unforgiving and mean—other people deserve it!

If we really spend time with God, praying, reading His Word, desiring to go deeper and wanting more and more of Him, we will be tested by others who deny the truth we bring them, and who want us to believe that how they see the world is truly correct; we are simply ignorant and misinformed. Moses is being tested by the people’s rejection of all they have seen and experienced in this journey with God.  Moses reaffirms what is true about God.  He also intervenes, and asks God to remember that although the people deserve punishment, God should forgive them, as He has all along, because of His great love. 

Wow. Don’t you hear Jesus in all of this?  Although we deserve punishment, He advocates for us, and intercedes with His Father to show us His great love.  Jesus knows our weakness and wants only the best for us.  But sin has consequences.  God’s love is a fierce love, but it is a love that knows if He ignores sin and its consequences, His people will never seek to live righteous lives.  God is not willing to give His people a “Get Out of Jail Free” card every time they sin.  He will forgive them, yes, but He wants the sin to be a teacher.

When we are taught by the consequences of sin, it molds our character like nothing else can.  We become more aware of just how serious sin really is, how deceptive it is and how we are destroyed by it over time if we do not turn away and seek God and Him alone.  We come to learn that no sin is worth the absence of God’s presence; God wants Him to be our all and all.  

God goes ahead and forgives His people, one more time, and He does not destroy them.  But, He will use their disobedience to teach them to revere Him:

The Lord replied, “I have forgiven them, as you asked. Nevertheless, as surely as I live and as surely as the glory of the Lord fills the whole earth, not one of those who saw my glory and the signs I performed in Egypt and in the wilderness but who disobeyed me and tested me ten times— not one of them will ever see the land I promised on oath to their ancestors. No one who has treated me with contempt will ever see it. But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to, and his descendants will inherit it. Since the Amalekites and the Canaanites are living in the valleys, turn back tomorrow and set out toward the desert along the route to the Red Sea.”  (Number 14:20-25)

  

God honors His covenant He made to the people’s ancestors—that the Promised Land will be possessed by the people of God; but contempt for God is something He cannot ignore.  He bars those people from going into the land.  He also warns Moses that the local people living in the valleys will be a danger to them; God directs them to another route.  Is God being excessively harsh?  What are some possible ways He could have punished them more harshly?

·         He could have destroyed the people then and there for their contemptuous behavior

·         He could have no longer provided water and food in this barren desert

·         He could have the inhabitants of the land attack and massacre them (they are slaves, remember, not warriors)

·         He could have separated the disobedient people like goats away from the others, and led just their children and the leaders into the Promised Land, allowing the people to perish from lack of water and food

So, God even in His wrath, extends mercy.  He now tells Moses:

The Lord said to Moses and Aaron: “How long will this wicked community grumble against me? I have heard the complaints of these grumbling Israelites. So tell them, ‘As surely as I live, declares the Lord, I will do to you the very thing I heard you say: In this wilderness your bodies will fall—every one of you twenty years old or more who was counted in the census and who has grumbled against me. Not one of you will enter the land I swore with uplifted hand to make your home, except Caleb son of Jephunneh and Joshua son of Nun.  As for your children that you said would be taken as plunder, I will bring them in to enjoy the land you have rejected. But as for you, your bodies will fall in this wilderness.  Your children will be shepherds here for forty years, suffering for your unfaithfulness, until the last of your bodies lies in the wilderness. For forty years—one year for each of the forty days you explored the land—you will suffer for your sins and know what it is like to have me against you.’ I, the Lord, have spoken, and I will surely do these things to this whole wicked community, which has banded together against me. They will meet their end in this wilderness; here they will die.” (Numbers 14:26-35)

God is allowing the natural aging process to take the people out.  They will fall one by one over time, and then their children will go into the land.  Why has God taken this course of action?  Because the parents may now instruct their children every day about the seriousness of sin.  God is using the consequences of the people’s contempt for Him and their ungrateful and hardened hearts to teach their children how to appreciate and praise God.  Nothing "unhardens" our hearts quicker than realizing how our sin got us here.  It may take a awhile to come to this realization; at first, I am sure the people were unwilling to admit their fault.  But day after day, walking in the hot sun, thinking about the bounty in the Promised Land, made them realize the only reason they are not there now is because of them and them alone. Every year, for forty years, as these people celebrate the feasts laid out in Leviticus, they will be reminded of how God vanquished the Egyptians; how He provides for them daily; how sin bars the way to God and how the blood of an innocent animal washes that sin away; how Moses intervenes for his people and how God loves them, despite them showing contempt for His provision.

OK, CoDeWo’s, how does this apply to us?  We may be unintentionally helping people avoid the seriousness of their behavior’s consequences.  They may be actively sinning, or have a sinful attitude, and we step in, trying to take away the pain.  But those forty years in the desert for God’s people was one big schoolhouse, where parents could teach their children and humble themselves before God. 

When we intervene into people’s lives who have been careless and sinful, we take them out of the schoolhouse that God would have used to remold their character into insightful and mature people. 

Take away the consequences and you take away the possibility of learning from those consequences. 

Let me give you an example.  I had a friend many years ago that I consider a good friend.  Our daughters played together and I babysat her kids and vice versa. We went to church together.  We were both stay-at-home moms.  When I first met her, she lived in a nice mobile home, in a nice mobile home park.  She and her husband had had marital problems, and as part of their reconciliation, he had bought this mobile home in this town, and she relocated, where they restarted their life together.

He was an amazingly talented musician.  He harbored some animosity against me, for the pastor had selected me, not him, to be the worship leader.  His maturity level and his humility were both not conforming to taking on a leadership role.  But we all still got along, and I helped him get gigs, so he could share his music.  One day, she and I were sitting in her living room, and I heard a noise outside.  Someone was repossessing their car.  She seemed undisturbed by it.

She became pregnant with their third child and was very ill.  Instead of her husband taking over the running of the house, he stood passively by and sometime later, their mobile home was repossessed. 

They relied heavily on her parents to support them financially, and the husband was always buying equipment for his in-house studio, so he could make CD’s.  (This was the ‘80’s.)

They then had to rent a house one street over from mine; we had bought ours.  I always felt guilty about how financially set we were; I ignored that all of it came from my husband’s hard work, good financial planning and God’s blessing.  Their explanation for their misfortunes was always, “God is testing us.”  The husband would immediately spend any extra money they had, saying that it may never come around again.  The wife finally went to school, to gain a skill, to bring in extra income.  The husband complained that he could go to school, but she was taking all the money.  He did spend many hours designing album covers for his next project, however. 

She managed her at-home business quite well, and yet her husband had her doing everything:  kids, managing the house, shopping, cooking, etc.  He would sit there while she was making dinner with a screaming baby, and made no effort to help.  Guess who stepped in?  

I helped her take care of the house and yard, watched her kids, and became a surrogate husband.  He had time for all of his friends’ problems, but seemed blissfully uninterested in his own family, unless there was a crisis. There were several, and he would go to counseling with her to do crisis management, and she would calm down, and all would go back to normal—me in the husband role of helping and emotionally supporting her, and he focused on himself.  But still they would say, “God is testing us.”

I felt trapped.  I wanted out but felt a loyalty to her.  One day, when I called her and asked her to send my daughter home for dinner, she flat out refused.  I was stunned.  My daughter needed to come home and she would not send her home.  To this day I do not know what happened, only that I had to go over to their house and with my daughter screaming at me, my friend standing at the door and her husband disappearing down the hall, I had to finally threaten her with calling the police.  She relented. 

The friendship was over.  What happened?  I do not know. Within six months of our friendship ending, they were divorced.  Why am I telling you this?  At every turn, this couple exhibited pride and a total lack of personal responsibility for anything that went on.  He had been molested by a scout leader at the age of 7, and was unwilling to ever go to a counselor about this.  He hated homosexuals and defined his suitability as a father because he didn’t sleep around, as had his own mother.  His brokenness led to my friend leaning on and manipulating me for survival, pure and simple.  The red flags were numerous; I refused to see them because I felt so sorry for her.

But that night, with her stony gaze and her refusal to send my daughter home brought into clear view her somewhat hardened heart.  She had met someone online a few days earlier and I did not support it at all.  Was she taking revenge on me?  Was he?  Were they finally united over something—let’s stick it to Rhonda?  Don’t know, and I don’t think I ever will.  I only know I was so co-dependent it was beyond description.  Trapped, resentful, making up excuses, spending so much time rescuing her that I neglected my own family and then being betrayed in such a painful way shocked me but sadly didn’t cure me of co-dependence.  That was years up the road.

Brokenness can lead to sin.  Sin leads to deception and being deceived about what you believe and do can lead you into more sin. My stepping out of lessening the consequences for them meant she felt the full brunt of his neglect and emotional abuse.  The marriage was over because no one was there to take care of her or him.  I was deeply saddened when I heard the news.  I was even more deeply saddened when I heard she has recently passed; my hope is we will laugh and drink tea in heaven.

God wanted to teach them, raise them onto higher ground and show them both the true freedom that is in Christ.  But with me always involved, I blunted God’s process.  They were responsible for what happened, but I am sorry that I never spoke truth into their lives. 

God is always seeking to grow us, to make us mature and show us how His ways are best.  Our co-dependence and their dependence makes both sides growing in Christ a problem:

You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you. Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live. (Romans 8:9-13)

What is God’s goal for His children? 

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:26-7)

If we constantly rescue people and they continue to dwell in the realm of the flesh, then God’s purposes for their lives may be thwarted.  Just like the people under Moses long ago in that desert, God wants us to move closer to Him and allow Him to remake our character.  He wants us “conformed to the image of His Son.” (Romans 8) Our co-dependent ways do not enable Him to do that, either in us or in others.  One final point we must take from the people in the desert.  If God is not in what people are doing or in what we are doing, the consequences of that will be grim as well.  Let’s revisit them one more time:

So the men Moses had sent to explore the land, who returned and made the whole community grumble against him by spreading a bad report about it—these men who were responsible for spreading the bad report about the land were struck down and died of a plague before the Lord. Of the men who went to explore the land, only Joshua son of Nun and Caleb son of Jephunneh survived. 

When Moses reported this to all the Israelites, they mourned bitterly. Early the next morning they set out for the highest point in the hill country, saying, “Now we are ready to go up to the land the Lord promised. Surely we have sinned!”

But Moses said, “Why are you disobeying the Lord’s command? This will not succeed! Do not go up, because the Lord is not with you. You will be defeated by your enemies, for the Amalekites and the Canaanites will face you there. Because you have turned away from the Lord, he will not be with you and you will fall by the sword.”

Nevertheless, in their presumption they went up toward the highest point in the hill country, though neither Moses nor the ark of the Lord’s covenant moved from the camp. Then the Amalekites and the Canaanites who lived in that hill country came down and attacked them and beat them down all the way to Hormah. (Numbers 14:36-45)

The men who started this whole terrible business by lying about what they saw in the Promised Land are taken out quickly.  No forty years of wandering for them; their lies were poisonous to the people and their presence among the people might continue to be a source of contention.  The people were saddened by what happened; but instead of seeking God for what they need to do, they assume they are ready to enter the Land.  They were told by Moses that only their children will go in; they were not allowed to go in.  They acknowledge their sin but do not repent; they decide that they are “ready.”  By whose standard?  Surely not God’s.

We, as CoDeWo’s, are way too willing to assume that everything we are told by those seeking our rescuing hand are being truthful.  That every thing that has happened to them is because of someone else; they are the victims time and time again.  We hear only their side of things, and never question the truth of it, for that would involve conflict.  We just go along and act only on what they have said. 

We then step out without consulting God, for we assume we are doing His work by helping these poor souls. They seem to be ready to accept our help, advice and directions.  Ready, but by whose standard?

They may even admit they have done wrong, but they have not truly repented—they have not confessed their sin and changed directions, moving towards God and not away from Him.   They want to take on the Promised Land—change in their lives—on their own terms, with them in the lead.  But just like their counterparts in the desert, they will be defeated by their “enemies”—pride, deception, unhealed brokenness, anger, unforgiveness and blame.  They move into this phase of their lives without the Lord yet expect Him to rubber-stamp what they are doing.  When it doesn’t work out, they blame the Lord, or you, for failing. 

“In their presumption” is a powerful statement.  As CoDeWo’s, are we willing to be like Moses and point out how their plan will not work, or do we stay silent, and hope that somehow, some way, all will work out? 

But if God is relegated to being a spectator, or not even invited, then it won’t work out, no matter how hard you try to help them. Their "enemies" will disrupt and destroy any attempts you and they make towards wellness.  Because it's all being done not in the Spirit (despite our good intentions) but in the flesh--yours and theirs. 

If this time in the desert teaches us only one thing, let it be that God must be in everything we do, no matter what.  How do we do this?  That's next!

Love you guys!  Thanks for reading and being patient with my blogs that seem to arrive at weird intervals! 

MANAGING WITHOUT BEING CO-DEPENDENT? WHAT?

Excellent concern.  After being co-dependent for as long as I can remember--living a life meeting everyone’s needs, basking in their approval and shrinking from conflict--I couldn’t imagine any other way of living.  Period.  You might as well have asked me to emigrant to a foreign country, convert to the national religion and eat foods that still had multiple legs and antennae, having been slapped on a grill and served with some kind of unrecognizable grain.  

In other words, no way.  No how.  Nada.

Think about it this way:

If you love to sing, you sing.

If you love to dance, you dance. 

If you love to read, you read. 

If you love people and hate to see them struggle, and they unload their burden on you when you are too young to understand that the burdens are not for you to carry, you become co-dependent. 

Now, fast forward:

If no one shows you what key a song is in, you risk hitting notes that are either sharp or flat.

If no one shows you how to warm up before dancing, you risk injury.

If no one shows you what books are written for your age, you might be exposed to ideas that will haunt you.

If no one shows you how to love people without their problems being your problems, you will associate love with being needed, and your life will merge into theirs.   

So, let’s return briefly to the desert, where Moses is dealing with ungrateful grumbling ex-slaves who bemoan their freedom and long to return to Egypt.  These people are classic triggers for us co-dependent people: they are endlessly needy; they want help from us but are unwilling to contribute; they make us feel needed and wanted by bewailing their situation; and they make us feel that we must help them, for no one else will.

We will view scene through the lens of how a co-dependent would react.  How we see the world as co-dependents is not healthy, but it is familiar:

That night all the members of the community raised their voices and wept aloud. All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, “If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this wilderness! Why is the Lord bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword? Our wives and children will be taken as plunder. Wouldn’t it be better for us to go back to Egypt?”

And they said to each other, “We should choose a leader and go back to Egypt.” (Numbers 14:1-4)

I would have stepped in and said, “I will help you!”  I would have spent the whole evening telling them how maybe Egypt was not so bad; how we can cope if we have a better attitude; maybe we should move on and find another place to go.  

In other words, I would have avoided the heart of the problem, because I hate conflict:  These people are rebelling against God.  Period. 

Look at the leaders’ reaction: 

Then Moses and Aaron fell face down in front of the whole Israelite assembly gathered there. Joshua son of Nun and Caleb son of Jephunneh, who were among those who had explored the land, tore their clothes and said to the entire Israelite assembly, “The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good. If the Lord is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us. Only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will devour them. Their protection is gone, but the Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them.” (Number 14:5-9)

Joshua and Caleb are stunned.  Moses and Aaron are utterly devastated by the people’s reaction.  Not because of people’s anger against them but how the people are blaspheming God by their insinuation that all the mighty deeds He performed are going to lead to their demise.  In other words, they will not trust Him nor His leaders, despite all He has done for them.

In other words, they prefer the sinful land of Egypt with its slavery to a pagan people who have a god for everything, over serving the One True God.

Whoa.  This is an insult to God of the highest degree.   The way the leaders are responding shows that they understand how treasonous the people are being. 

The land is good.  God is good.  Obedience to Him will lead to success and blessing.  The people in the Land are no match for the people of God—Egypt was a demonstration of that  truth over and over. Would I have been willing to call the people out as did Joshua and Caleb?  Rebellion is sin, pure and simple.  Am I willing to call out a sin in someone when God calls me to?  Unbelief is a sin, and comes from a rebellious heart.  This heart says, “I don’t need You, God.  I will go my own way, do my own thing and then blame You when it all goes south.”  

Belief in God’s Son Jesus, His death, burial and resurrection is the core of the Gospel.  The Gospel tells us how God is satisfied and how we enter into the truth of His Son.  Look how the writer of Hebrews puts it:

Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. For we also have had the good news proclaimed to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because they did not share the faith of those who obeyed.  Now we who have believed enter that rest, just as God has said,

‘So I declared on oath in my anger,
    ‘They shall never enter my rest.’

And yet his works have been finished since the creation of the world.  For somewhere he has spoken about the seventh day in these words: “On the seventh day God rested from all his works.”  And again in the passage above he says, “They shall never enter my rest.”

Therefore since it still remains for some to enter that rest, and since those who formerly had the good news proclaimed to them did not go in because of their disobedience, God again set a certain day, calling it “Today.” This he did when a long time later he spoke through David, as in the passage already quoted:

‘Today, if you hear his voice,
    do not harden your hearts.’

For if Joshua had given them rest, God would not have spoken later about another day.  There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works^] just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience. (Hebrews 4:1-11)

That sinning in the desert provides a rich lesson for us co-dependents, for if a person is actively or even passively refusing to believe in what God has provided, when we step in and try to mitigate the consequences of their choices, we are getting in the way of that person being confronting by the Holy Spirit as to what they are doing. 

That’s a lot to consider, because our motives are good.  But good motives never saved anyone.  The Holy Spirit’s calling the heart of a person, which may take years and years, is the only way someone truly feels conviction and repents.  If Joshua and Company had settled for a quick fix to the people in the desert, and either took them back to Egypt, downplayed how rebellious they were being toward God or settled in the desert itself, bypassing the Promised Land altogether, how different would the world be today.

God had a plan to use His chosen people to bring forth His Son: the Messiah, the ultimate Joshua, the Deliverer, the One who would lead us into the Promised Land, which is dwelling in the presence of His Father and the Holy Spirit dwelling in us.  I am grateful for such powerful and non-compromising leaders that stood in the desert against the people and their sin.  We, as believers, benefited from such obedience.  

How do we start re-examining the world and all its neediness without automatically jumping into, “Oh, let me help you /rescue you /make your life better/ignore your choices/not call out the truth!”  Good question.

Let’s start with the verses immediately following the above verses about rebellion, unbelief and sin:

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. (Heb. 4:12-13)

God’s Word has the power to inform us as to how to pursue the right course.  It is animated by God’s own Spirit, and keeps us grounded when we want to read off our own script. We do not face this process alone.  Check out the next verses right after this:

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Heb. 4:14-16)

Another “Whoa!” 

Jesus is always there to assist us on how to navigate those moments when we try to meet everyone’s needs, with no questions asked, and we start to feel burdened and resentful. What do we do then?

• Stop
• Say, “I will get back to you on this.”
• Go to the Word
• Go to Jesus
• Wait
• Listen
• Apply the truth you have been shown by His Spirit 

No quick fixes here.  No jumping in.  No sense of “I must do this for this person.”  (Has God told you to do this?  Or are you just reacting?)

God, through His Son, has led us into His Sabbath-rest.  There are many who wander in the desert (Christians included) who would rather grumble, mumble, question God and blame others for their lives than confront the truth:  they are sinning.  They love yanking us out of our Sabbath-rest and making us wander with them. 

Whew.  We will keep going next time, and pursue how we will manage: by looking closely at Jesus. 

It's Lonely at the Top

When we reorient our lives away from co-dependency, it is a tough journey.  When we are not constantly trying to meet others' needs, we feel mean, unchristian, selfish and distant.  For us, those feelings are emotional "flu"--we feel a chronic kind of terrible. 

We are not bad people--our hearts are kind and we enjoy see others succeed.  But just like the frog who sat in the pot of water as it slowly came to a boil, we do not see the toxic relationship we are in until we are in too deep and extricating ourselves out of it will be painful and slow. 

So, when we decide to pursue a life without constantly trying to:

• win others' approval
• avoid conflict at all costs
• figure out and then fix others' problems
• be available 24/7 to listen to someone's never-ending tale of woe
• clean up the messes others have made
• control every situation
• control how others react to you
• allow for others' faults but critical of your own...

...we will find it's lonely at the top.  Let me share with you a recent experience I had.  I find that when God allows you to share wise counsel with others, He wants you to incorporate it into your own life as well.  My teaching on co-dependency have really hit home. 

About a year ago, I started attending a church.  It was a relief.  I had just come through a church with a pastor who manipulated me and totally tapped into my need for an approving father-figure.  He could be loving and kind and then he would shut me down with a critical remark.  He later started to blame me for his poor decisions and refused to reconcile with me.  I went to his house, trying to clear the air and he sat there so angry, I could feel it.  I knew I had make a mistake, but I forged ahead, but to no avail.  I left and years later he still lied about me to cover his failures and dishonesty.

This new church was very healing.  I served on the worship team and enjoyed the fellowship immensely.  The pastor has a truly sincere heart for evangelism and invites those who do not know Christ to come and accept Him.  He does this every week, for he does not want anyone to go to hell.

My calling is teaching, so I wanted to help the pastor's wife with her Bible study.  She critiqued the times I taught, which I found disconcerting.  I honor the material but if the Holy Spirit leads me to go off-script for a bit, I will do that.  She was not keen on that.  She told me I would be trained on the job, for this particular Bible study had required training, which she had taken years ago.  I felt as if the tether was growing shorter and shorter on the expression of my gift. 

We had an upcoming women's event, which I was going to teach, and she wanted to see my notes.  In other words, she wanted to hand off the responsibility of leading, while still maintain authority over it.  She saw it as perhaps "quality control;" I saw it as micro-management.  Her oversight was suffocating me; finally I snapped inside. 

I met with her and told her we were leaving the church.  She was shocked; I saw no other solution.  Extreme?  Perhaps, but for my sanity and healing, I had to leave.

The old me would have continued on, building up resentment and anger, then burying it deep inside.  The result?  Adding to my depression, which I battle all the time.  Yes, I am on medication, but medication does not make decisions for you.  I was not being fed; despite the earnestness of the pastor's messages, they were at times at bit shallow.  I was disturbed at the pastor's wife being involved in every ministry in the church, except for the men, and there was nothing going on for the men. 

I do not wish to build a case against this church--I needed to go.

I did exit with a heart-felt letter about why I was leaving.  The pastor accepted it well; he could have responded in anger or ignored it.  He did not, which I really appreciated. 

The pastor's wife triggered many things in me that could have led right back into a co-dependent, people-pleasing, toxic kind of relationship.  It was really hard to leave, but essential for me in this part of my healing.

I am now in church-detox. 

I love to serve and church was always a safe haven for me, after I became a Christian at 14.  My family was a mess; my church family was loving and kind to me as a tender teenager.  I always dive in to serving, long before I know the inner workings of a church.  I just assume everyone will work out their differences because they love Jesus.  Maybe, but everyone is on a different part of the pilgrim path, and not everyone is where we would like them to be.

So, now, I sit in church, worship, listen to the sermon and go home.  It is hard, because I want to jump in, but I still need time to heal.

God is kind and sometimes we are walking and other times, we are resting by the still waters.  I call my new house my "Psalm 23 Home."  I am here because God opened up the door for us to move and I love my new house.  But, after four churches where it ended poorly, I need to detox.  Church for me is like a relationship: I keep looking for needy churches and they draw me in.  I serve and love it for awhile, but then the unhealthiness emerges and it is hard for me to extricate out of it. 

I am by the still waters right now.  My soul needs restoring.  Until that happens, I will be drawn to small, needy churches where I will jump in and serve, much to my detriment.  Rehabilitation is hard, but for this co-dependent woman, it is essential.

Jesus is now more precious than ever. I am no longer lost in church trying to find Him or be distracted from my life by staying busy, busy, busy.  I am seeking to be Mary as I detox from being Martha.

Bless you, dear readers.  Hopefully, as I journey on, the Holy Spirit will use these blogs to give you clarity.  I need clarity as well; I am blessed to share my journey with you. 

CoDeWo Nightmare #2: Pleasing Family

It is hard enough to keep those people around us content:  We are on high alert all the time to meet their needs and make sure we are making them happy.  We ignore their poor decisions, distorted and chaotic thinking and believe deep inside, that if they are not happy, it is our fault and our failure.

We saw one of the early incidences in Jesus' life where He heard the call to ministry, was baptized, tempted by Satan and then, with His Father's confirmation still ringing in His ears, He went forth. 

As we saw in Luke 4, in an earlier blog, things did not go well when He united Isaiah's words as now being fulfilled in His ministry.  The reaction of the synagogue attendees was explosive when He reminded them that the good news was for everyone:  Jews as well as Gentiles.  The people angrily  lead Jesus to the edge of a cliff, to be thrown off and stoned.  He left and stay on the course prescribed for Him by His Father.

(Quick thought here:  In their distorted thinking--that the Messiah would not be like this but like their imaginings--they thought they were acting on the truth.  Our thinking can be so destructive, if if we think our motivation and heart is good...)

No doubt, Jesus' family was there that day.  They probably huddled together on the sidelines, fervently praying that Jesus would be safe.  A scary day for His mother to watch, and His brothers and sisters to wonder if He was going to have His ministry end as quickly as it had begun.  Maybe they were upset by His words as well; to think that God would extend His grace and mercy to the Gentiles was an abhorrent thought, even if it was being expressed by someone you love.

Let's go to another scene, where Jesus and His family have an encounter over what He is doing.  This time, His family is not huddling on the sidelines; they are bold, because they are afraid.  Did that day in the synagogue forever haunt them?

Let's set the scene in Mark 3.  Jesus has been busy.  He is in the synagogue again and a man with a withered hand is present.  Jesus heals him, much to the murderous rage of the Pharisees, who insisted that such an action violated the Sabbath.  He then withdraws to the lake, and is followed by huge crowds, who desperately seek Him for healing.  He retreats to a mountainside, and appoints those men who will be His closest followers, walking in His steps and being trained to one day carry on without His physical presence. 

So far, so good.  Nothing here rings my CoDeMo bells.

Now, it gets ugly: "Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, 'He is out of his mind.'” (Mark 3:20-21) 

Punch No. 1:  Jesus, stop acting crazy!  You are scaring us!  This business could get You killed!

Then comes Punch No.2:  The Pharisees show up and start accusing Jesus.  They posit that He is possessed by Satan and that's where His power comes from.  Whoa.  

His family is saying He is out of His mind and the Pharisees are saying He is possessed.  Now all my bells are ringing for the displeasure, anger and chaos is huge here, and I would be scrambling to get everyone calmed down and tell them what is really going on.  But I would have to downplay or downright denigrate my calling, my ministry's legitimacy, my Father's confirmation, and how I am doing this in obedience...but I am really sorry all of you are so ticked at me!  Sorry, sorry, sorry... 

But Jesus is always about the TRUTH, not making others happy, comfortable or content with what He does.  What He does is in obedience to the Father.  

But you might be thinking:  Hold on there, Rhonda... I am not Jesus!

No, true, but the same Power that resurrected Him is in you if you have accepted Him as Savior and Lord: "And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you." (Rom. 8:11) 

Did you catch the enormity of that?  Jesus was raised to life after a hideous death by the power of God and that same Power--His very own Holy Spirit--lives in you.  So, no while you are not Jesus, you may tap into that same Power for guidance and wisdom as you walk in Him.

So, Jesus is faced with a family who thinks He is crazy and the religious leaders who think He is under the power of evil.

But His response is the truth.  No shading, diluting or trying to recreate the moment so that no one is unhappy:  He says that His family are those people who do the will of His Father, and that if you attribute the works of God to Satan, you are in danger of committing a sin of eternal proportions.  

I am learning, as I share and read along with you, that the "cure" for co-dependency is truth and The Truth.  Jesus spoke the truth in the synagogue that day: Isaiah's words were written about Him. The good news and purpose of His ministry were contained in those words.  He was saying that day, "Don't take My word for it...take the Word for what I am doing."

He reclaimed that Sabbath from an avoidance of work back to doing compassionate acts, thereby showing how His Father saw the Sabbath.  Finally, He reminded His family that family is not a biological bungee cord that allows for little movement.  Family are those people who, like Jesus, want to follow the Father with purpose and truth. 

So, truth and Jesus Himself being the Truth, the Way and the Life, is liberating for a CoDeWo like me.  If I am listening to Him in prayer and allowing Him to guide me through His Word (so I can see the real truth, not my skewed co-dependent view of it, flushed with fear and chaos) then I am being slowly set free.

Truth has its costs, as we see in the life of Jesus. How about this:  Next time you are tempted to lie, diminish or downright excuse what you believe is God's way and will for you, think of yourself in a courtroom, and ask yourself, am I telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me, God? 

Then pray for strength from the very One who called Himself, "The Truth."  It won't be easy, but real change never is. But you are not doing this stepping away from co-dependency on your own.  He goes with you.   

Shock and Awe in Jesus' Hometown

Yes:  That would have been my reaction to the event described in Luke 4: shock that people would behave this way and awe that I was in the center of such a storm.

I:  the one who avoids conflict at any cost.

I:  the one who tries to make everyone happy, basking in the approval of smiling faces and warm relationships.

I: the one who knows the truth and yet will dilute it if I see others reacting negatively.

I:  the one who would have left the synagogue long before it got this ugly.

I:  who thinks I can not only control my reaction but others' responses as well.  In other words, I believe I can control BOTH sides of an interaction and I panic when I cannot do so.

What is the basis of my response to what happened in Jesus' synagogue?  Fear.  What is the basis of Jesus and His response in His hometown synagogue?  Faith.

Miles apart, huh? What does the Word say? "Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love." (1 John 4:18) 

How did Jesus operate so freely and fearlessly, especially in the face of such hostile opposition? He dwelt in the perfect love of His Father: "And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.'" (Matt. 3:17) 

This fulfills what Isaiah said about the Son: "Here is My Servant, whom I uphold, My Chosen One, in whom My soul delights. I will put My Spirit on Him, and He will bring justice to the nations." (Is. 42:1) 

Jesus stood firm in knowing that "The Father loves the Son and shows Him all He does. And to your amazement, He will show Him even greater works than these.' (John 5:21)

I know what you are thinking:  Yes, of course, that is Jesus we are talking about here. But I am me.  Ugly, codependent, fearful me.  Fearful of being abandoned, rejected and subjected to ridicule and scorn.  

But so was Jesus.  He was abandoned by His disciples at His greatest time of need; He was rejected by His own people, His hometown synagogue being just the beginning of this; and He was ridiculed and scorned as He was dying in excruciating pain and suffering. 

And yet.

And yet, he never lost sight of His Father's love, even when He felt He'd been abandoned by His Father: "From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land.  About the ninth hour, Jesus cried in a loud voice...'My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?'"  (Matt. 27:45-46)

Wait.  How could the Father abandon Jesus if He loved His Son so much?  Because, for that moment, Jesus was fully under the darkness of sin--the sky registered this dramatic moment.  Not His sin--OUR sin.  Every sin, every failure, every evil ever done.  The only thing that sustained Him from giving up hope, was knowing that despite His taking on of our sin, His Father's love held.  The Father never withdrew His love; He withdrew His presence from Jesus until the sacrifice for sin was made.  Jesus was that sacrifice, and like the scapegoat in the Old Testament drive away from the people, Jesus was driven away, as it were, but not forgotten.

So, sweet CoDeWo, how does this apply to you and me? First up, if we are in Christ, we are His son or His daughter: "So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, 'Abba, Father.'  For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children.Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory." (Rom. 8:15-17)

So, we are His child, in whom He is well pleased, for we are in Christ.  Covered, cleansed, set free, born anew, adopted, accepted, never abandoned, no sin too great for forgiveness...nothing can separate us from God's love.  

These verses are the CoDeWo's Declaration of Dependence (On God's Unchanging Promises):  

"What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Rom. 8:31-39)

Wow.  So when we enter our hometown synagogue, and others' hostility triggers our fear and our sense of unworthiness, go and read these verses, and ask the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom.  Sometimes this will mean, just like Jesus did, walking out the door and seeking God for the next step.

CoDeWo Nightmare #1: Jesus in His Hometown

Let’s go in deeper into Jesus’ life and see how He handled people. Ask the Holy Spirit to teach you where you could be handling someone differently not based on what you think is right, but looking at how Jesus would do it.  Yes:  this is a WWJD? moment. 

It may sound cliché, but waiting on the Holy Spirit to give you the “how” means you won’t be jumping into a situation without thinking.  Taking a moment to to evaluate what is being asked of us is good for us.  It gives us a chance to breathe and wait on Him—listening for His voice and peace.

For our first CoDeWo Nightmare, we are going to look at Luke 4:14-30.  I want to set the stage first.  Jesus has been baptized by John and was then led by the Holy Spirit into the desert to undergo an ordeal authored by Satan.  Satan, sneering at Jesus’ new found power, wants Him to compromise it and use it for personal glory, not for the Kingdom of His Father.  Once that ordeal is over, Jesus returns to Galilee, “filled with the Holy Spirit’s power.” (Luke 4:14)

In the Jordan River, God had ordained and affirmed His beautiful Son; in the desert, Satan mocked that affirmation and sought to undermine Jesus’ ministry before it began, but to no avail.  No Jesus is on His way.  

Jesus goes all over the Galilee region, and teaches in each town’s local synagogue, and He receives “praise by everyone.” (verse 15).  His ministry starts out well.

Then He goes to His hometown, Nazareth.  Everyone He grew up with lives there.  His family still resides there.  He is that local Boy making good.  He goes to the synagogue on a particular Sabbath.  Why?  The reading of the Scriptures in synagogues then and in synagogues today are cyclic.  Each portion is read at a certain time during the year, so by the year’s end, the Scriptures have been read.  Jesus comes into His hometown synagogue on the day where a specific portion of Isaiah will be read. 

Jesus is handed the scroll containing Isaiah.  He unrolls the scroll to the day's reading, and proceeds to read:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor…(Is. 61:1-2)

He rolls up the scroll, hands it back to the attendant, and sits down.  It is the custom for the reader to comment on what has been read.  Everyone is looking at Jesus intently.  Why?  They know Him.  They watched Him grow up.  They know His laughter, His moods and His ways.  They walked past his father's shop, and saw Him at work.  They saw Him pack up and walk with His father to other towns to complete jobs.  They knew Him.  Or so they thought.

Jesus proceeds to say, “The Scripture you’ve just heard has been fulfilled this very day!” (verse 21)

The congregants are pleased:  “All spoke well of him and were amazed at the gracious words that came from his lips. ‘Isn’t this Joseph’s son?’” they asked. (verse 22)

They all knew the Scriptures.  They knew what followed Jesus’ reading: 

…and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
    and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins
    and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
    that have been devastated for generations.
Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
    foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
And you will be called priests of the Lord,
    you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
    and in their riches you will boast.

Instead of your shame
    you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
    you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
    and everlasting joy will be yours.

For I, the Lord, love justice;
    I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
    and make an everlasting covenant with them.
Their descendants will be known among the nations
    and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
    that they are a people the Lord has blessed. (Is. 61:2-9)

To those sitting in that synagogue that day, Jesus’ words are refreshing to their souls.  They are  fervent Jews, well aware of God’s restoration of Israel after the devastation wrought by the Babylonians and the captivity that lasted seventy years.  These Jews have no trouble equating their current woeful oppression under the Romans to the words read and unread ones that follow.  

They sit beaming with the knowledge that the Messiah will restore them to their former glory:  the Chosen People of God, with their own kingdom of priests, prophets and kings.

But Jesus knows what they are thinking beyond the obvious parallel to their situation.  He knows that they want miracles—spectacles, entertainment—to distract them from their dreary day to day existence.  But Jesus will not yield to their demands.  Isn’t that what the desert was all about?  There are no shortcuts to winning hearts and minds. 

Jesus now cuts to the heart of the matter:

Jesus said to them, ‘Surely you will quote this proverb to me: “Physician, heal yourself!” And you will tell me, “Do here in your hometown what we have heard that you did in Capernaum.”

‘Truly I tell you,” he continued, ‘no prophet is accepted in his hometown. I assure you that there were many widows in Israel in Elijah’s time, when the sky was shut for three and a half years and there was a severe famine throughout the land. Yet Elijah was not sent to any of them, but to a widow in Zarephath in the region of Sidon. And there were many in Israel with leprosy in the time of Elisha the prophet, yet not one of them was cleansed—only Naaman the Syrian.’ (verses 25-27)

OK.  Big deal.  Jesus gives commentary on these verses—something that is expected by the congregants. But wait a minute!  They erupt in fury.  They mob Him out of the synagogue.  They force Him to the edge of a hill with the rather unfriendly idea of pushing Him off, so they can stone Him.  Blasphemy—the dishonoring of God—demands no less, and this crowd is happy to oblige, for Jesus dishonored God with His words. 

As CoDeWo’s, this scene sets our teeth on edge.  Controversy.  Anger.  Raging conflict.  Really upset people.  Blame.  Shame.  Finger pointing.  Approval to disapproval so fast that even a falling star could not keep up.

What happened? 

As Jesus read the comforting words to the people in Isaiah, they applied the promises to now. God would restore them.  The Romans would receive the vengeance of the Lord, and His Chosen would reign in peace. They hunger for a miracle!  Jesus, with His track record, seems to be a likely candidate for a miracle of nation-changing proportions.  But Jesus has no intention of miraculously bringing about a Roman-free Israel.

Jesus has the gall to apply Isaiah’s words not to Israel alone, but to the Gentiles.  Can’t you just hear them…

• Yuck.  Those people?  Those disgusting, fornicating, murdering, arrogant Romans and all others who are not the chosen of God like we are!  He's applying the words to them and us!
• He is saying we are not the only ones upon whom God’s favor will rest!
• Zion is us, and all the best God has to give belongs to us!  Never the Gentiles!  They never follow God’s law and we do!
• Who is this guy?  He has calloused hands and is a villager, just like us.  Who does He think He is?
• Yeah, He’s citing the Scriptures accurately, but so what?  We are chosen and we have plenty of verses to prove it! 

So, Jesus, at the start of His ministry is almost killed by his hometown team.  Just the yelling and mobbing would had me back-peddling faster than a clown on speed.  Yet Jesus says nothing more.  He walks through the crowd and out of town.  No apologies, hand wringing or wanting their approval.  He walks silently away.  

There is a lesson here for us CoDeWo’s.  What is it?  We will explore that in the next installment. 

Forgive me for the long times in between posts.  We just bought a new house and life just got real crazy!  I will try my best to blog more frequently.  Thank you for your understanding and for reading my blog!

Why Do We Try to Out-Jesus Jesus?

Interesting question.  If we have accepted Jesus as Savior and Lord, and then desire to follow Him with all of our heart, why, over time, do we lose our joy and wonder if we are either really Christians or if we really know how to follow Him?

Co-dependence is not just behavior.  It is a way to see the world.  If people need me, then every problem in every person I meet is my problem.  I have actually dreaded phone calls in the past; I was certain it was yet another person needing me and depending on me to fix a problem. 

Maybe a good comparison is a firefighter.  You sit at home or you are at work, and the phone rings, a text or email comes through and off you go to fight a fire.  You might even arrive and see the person throwing gasoline on it, but you will still hunker down and help the person, because that’s what following Jesus is all about.  Right?

Wrong. 

Let’s open this up with a key scripture about what makes a follower and what does not:

When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.” (Matt. 25:31-46)

These verses are our inspiration for serving Jesus for as we serve others, we serve Him.  That is very straightforward.  The “least of these” is a clarion call to us.  Look at the categories:

·         Hungry

·         Thirsty

·         Stranger

·         Needing clothes

·         Sick

·         Prisoner

In all the years I was assisting others, none of them fell into these categories.  Perhaps a sister in law who needed money for my nieces because my brother was spending it all on drugs, but that’s as close as I got.

Look at these for a moment.  These are people who are lacking the bare necessities: food, drink and clothing.  They are helpless for they are sick.  They are the ones who have wandered in, and need a community connection.  They are isolated from the community, for they are prisoners. James will later comment:

My dear brothers and sisters, how can you claim to have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ if you favor some people over others?

For example, suppose someone comes into your meeting dressed in fancy clothes and expensive jewelry, and another comes in who is poor and dressed in dirty clothes. If you give special attention and a good seat to the rich person, but you say to the poor one, “You can stand over there, or else sit on the floor”—well, doesn’t this discrimination show that your judgments are guided by evil motives?

Listen to me, dear brothers and sisters. Hasn’t God chosen the poor in this world to be rich in faith? Aren’t they the ones who will inherit the Kingdom he promised to those who love him? But you dishonor the poor! Isn’t it the rich who oppress you and drag you into court? Aren’t they the ones who slander Jesus Christ, whose noble name you bear?

Yes indeed, it is good when you obey the royal law as found in the Scriptures: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you favor some people over others, you are committing a sin. You are guilty of breaking the law... There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you. (James 2:1-9 & 13 NLT)

Makes sense, huh?  We like to associate with people who look and sound like us.  Or, we enjoy hanging out with those we admire: ones with money, status, celebrity.  The poor?  Not so much.  But James reminds us in the words of Jesus to love others as we love ourselves.  Because in the face of others is Jesus Himself.  So, in loving the lowest of the low, we are loving Him. 

The rich do not need the bare necessities of life.  When they are sick or accused of wrong, they have enough money to remedy their situation.  The poor?  No.  Mercy and love are the hallmark of those who follow Jesus.  Otherwise, if we favor the rich and disdain the poor, we are no different in our behavior than the rest of the world.

James goes on to talk about faith without works.  Again, he is being very biblical—you can’t earn salvation but you can certainly demonstrate it by what you do in Jesus’ name:

What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do?

So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless.

Now someone may argue, “Some people have faith; others have good deeds.” But I say, “How can you show me your faith if you don’t have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds.” (James 2:14-18)

As CoDeWo’s, we are always eager to show our faith.  Yes, some spiritual pride gets laced into what we do, and we believe if we don’t help that person, that person will never change. 

Here’s my question after pondering these verses:  Was I helping those who were lacking the bare necessities—food, drink, clothes?  Was I helping those who were sick and needed me to be by their side? Did I make someone new in my church or community feel welcomed?  Did I help by visiting someone who was in prison? 

My answer is mixed.  I saw need and I tried to meet it, but mostly I helped those who could have helped themselves.  I simply took over, making me feel good about all the good deeds I was doing.  Those I helped were appreciative, yes, but they also started acting entitled to my help.  So, I was caught up in feeling needed and yet seeing no way to stop what I was doing. 

In other words, I was trying to out-Jesus Jesus.  I was doing more than He asked for; more than He told me to do; I was on auto-pilot and felt I didn’t need to check in with Him.  I was doing His will!  Following His teaching! 

Right? 

No.  I never asked Him, “Is this Your will?”  I just assumed it was, for helping others is always His will.

Right?

Is it? 

This is where my co-dependence slid over my faith, and melted my faith into unhealthy behavior.  In the oceans, the gigantic plates the continents sit on slide under one another in what are called, “subduction zones.”  The plate sliding under its neighbor gets pushed further and further into the earth, and it goes from hard rock to melted molten rock. 

This is what I think of when I consider my faith back then.  It was pushed under others’ needs and melted into what I thought I needed to be.  I lost myself in those years, and didn’t have the rock-hard faith to say, “No,” or “I will get back to you.”  My guilt and wanting to serve Jesus motivated me to serve unhealthy people in unhealthy ways.  I lost who I was.  I didn’t stay in touch with Jesus but rolled out every morning on a mission.

So, if we follow Jesus, do we know His life intimately enough to really model Him in what we do? 

So, let’s look at Jesus’ life in how He interacted with others.  I will recount His dealings with others per the Word, and then reframe the incident in how I would have done it.  No, comparing my response and Jesus’ response will illuminate where I was.  Remember:  “The Word is a lamp onto my feet, and a light unto my path.” (Ps. 119:105) 

I need illumination in how I behaved then and how I can truly follow Him now. I was so in the dark back then.  But His Word will give me the alternative to a co-dependent way of seeing life.